When I was younger, I always felt that taking pictures of oneself was vain. To an extent, it definitely is. I was never the type to ever really want my picture to be taken and I sure as heck never took pictures of myself. I remember in middle school the evolution of cell phones advanced and the front- facing camera was invented. You could then see exactly what you would look like while you took a picture of yourself! A game changer, courtesy of the magic of technology. The selfie was born. I remember a bunch of my friends setting their phone’s screen saver to display pictures that they had taken of themselves. (No shade love you guys) I never quite understood the concept.
Sometime between then and now, I became comfortable in front of a camera. I seldom take “traditional” selfies, but I am blessed with talented friends who share a love a photography with me. I’m very often the subject of their photos.
Long story short, here I am. Writing an online blog. I never in a gazillion years thought that I would be doing this, and I’m still learning the ins and outs of having an “online presence.” For example, logistics are pretty important, especially with social media algorithms that like to think they’re helping us.
I have a hard time keeping a straight face when I say that I write a blog out loud. It’s not something that I actually tell people in real life conversations. Whenever it does comes up in conversation, I can’t help but giggle really nervously. Don’t ask me why. I know for sure that I am not one bit ashamed. I love my little corner of the internet and I’m proud of every single thing I post here. Perhaps what makes me feel embarrassed is the fact that it’s such a new age, yet old school, cliche concept. In the past few years, there’s been a huge influx of bloggers; fashion bloggers, travel bloggers, etc. I also find it cliche, that a 20 something has this blog where she writes her thoughts and happenings. Perhaps it’s the insinuation that people actually care about my opinion. Who knows, all I know is that it is very awkward for me to talk about my blog in real life, out loud, to real people. No one tells you how awkward it is talking about your online, not so secret blog with people in real life.
I’ve found that my friends don’t always see what I post on social media, and that’s okay. What I do want my friends to see, however is when I post something here on my blog. Rarely ever do I just type something out and hit publish. I usually hmm and haw over it and proofread and fix and delete things for days. One could even say that I “work hard” on my blog writings, so yes I do want people to see them, because I feel that what I write on here can be of value to someone. That being said, I noticed that the photos that get “seen” the most on my social media profile are the photos that I’m in. Me. My face. My clothes. I could upload a picture of an immaculate sunset, painted in hues of purple and yellow and orange that I didn’t even know existed, and still, it won’t get nearly as many little red hearts as a photo of me smiling like an idiot. The people who follow me are my friends . Which means they actually like me as a person. Because why else would you sign up to view snapshots of someone’s life? (See also, “follow on instagram”) Lately, I have been uploading more and more photos of myself in order to convert people to my blog. I have also been feeling like a burden to my best friends; “would you mind taking a quick photo of me here?” “I’m so sorry could you just snap an iPhone pic of me with this, I wanna put it on my blog.” It feels ridiculous to say the least. My friends usually happily oblige, but I can’t help but feel silly and conceited. “Ope there she goes, posing for her blog”. I never thought I’d be that girl. I’m working on that. But don’t worry! I will never ask you to take a photo of me in the middle of lunch. (I just wanna enter a quick thank you to my blogtographers, Erika, Jeyci, Travis, Aunty Tracey and Abner. U real ones) No one tells you how insecure you’ll feel, even though you know that you are loved and supported.
Lastly, sometimes it feels like I’m shouting into a void, which is 100% okay. I have had multiple sweet, kind, encouraging messages from friends about how they agreed with what I wrote about, or saying that they enjoy reading my little spiels here. Those are the best. Thank you, 1000 times. I wanna give you a bear hug. And sometimes, no one reads. And that’s okay too. I strongly believe that if someone is meant to read something, or stumble across my lil website, that they will. (With a little help from Instagram;) ) I never wanna lose sight of why I started this in the first place. No one tells you that it’s okay to be unpopular online.
So here I am telling you. It's okay to be awkward. It's okay to be insecure. It's okay to be unpopular. What you have to say is important, and so valuable. So, shout into the void, because you'll never know who may be there waiting to hear it.
Psst ... if you were wondering where my outfit is from: (don't laugh people actually ask ok, click the links to shop)
Dress: ThredUp (Brand is the Zara Trafaluc collection) I linked all women's Zara dresses on their site :)
Jacket: TJ Maxx (Brand is Tee Ink... it's an expensive brand, I got the jacket for less than $10) I linked similar ones :)
Bandana: Target (Universal Thread) Linked the exact one
Bangs: hahaha I went to Sally's Beauty Supply to find clip on bangs. They didn't have any so my best friend Jeyci and I bought 2 small clip on extensions and cut them to length in her car!
Juice: (lol) Lemon juice, water, ginger & Cayenne Pepper