I’m not gonna lie, not every lesson that God teaches me is learned by a divine, jaw dropping revelation. In this season specifically, I’m learning the slow, hard way.
In the past couple of months, I’ve been coming to some tough realizations- about myself as well as my relationships with others. I’m not gonna say that it hit me like a ton of bricks… there was no real '“aha moment,” just a series of events that led me to a soft, quiet whisper of a realization. I won't get into the nitty- gritty of things, but ultimately, I am learning that God is the only person I truly need. Jesus is the person I should be turning to first, not last. He knows the ugly parts of me and loves me anyway. I can always rely on Him. You see, I have absolutely nothing to offer Jesus but my heart. He gains nothing from being my friend, and still, He will never leave. And whether or not we’d like to admit it, most human relationships are about exchange. “What does this friendship do for me?” And when it isn’t convenient for us? Our first instinct is to leave. God is always chasing me down, no matter how far or how fast I try to run.
So as of right now, I’m quietly and —not gonna lie, quite reluctantly— learning to run to Jesus first. It may sound like “Christian common sense”, but it is so human nature to want physical, human interaction and validation when we have something bothering us. Don’t get me wrong, I have a small group of people whom I know that I know love me and will never leave. However, no matter what, God is the most important relationship in my life, and it doesn’t matter if I lose friends, because my closest, truest friend is Jesus.
I feel like this time is a big transition for me. A new semester is starting, my blog just turned 1 year old (yay!), and I’ve been doing a lot of self evaluation. (some might call it “soul searching”) My passions, what I’m going to do with them, and what I’m going to pursue most fervently. One thing that all these have in common? Jesus. Although it may seem a little tough right now, I am trying my best to be obedient and am so expectant that God is going to open doors and present opportunities that I would never dream of.